Retros, Rumbles, and Trust

I recently reread Brené Brown’s Dare to Lead and I’m glad I came back to it. There are so many actionable pieces of advice in this book to help improve as a leader and grow as an individual. Reading it a second time revealed new insights. It’s interesting how rereading the same book at different times in your life can elevate different concepts and put new things into focus. 

In particular, a few things stuck out to me this time around: vulnerability before trust, living into our values, and how retros can launch rumbles. Dare to Lead is a must-read for any leader of people. 

Vulnerability before Trust

It’s important to appreciate that vulnerability comes before trust. For teammates to trust each other, they must first be vulnerable with each other, not the other way around. Brené Brown shares the concept of a Trust Marble Jar. Acts of vulnerability are marbles that go into the jar and trust is built. Betrayals remove marbles from the jar and trust erodes. It is essential for teams to create structured and unstructured space to put marbles into their jar of trust.  

Living into our Values 

The book also walks through an awesome exercise to identify your own two core values. Brené Brown invokes the great Jim Collins here, “If you have 3 or more priorities, you have no priorities.” Having to pick two really makes you think about what you fundamentally value. The great thing about doing this excursive with a team is it will inherently generate trust and empathy. We can better understand a teammate’s intent based on their values. This allows us to identify behaviors based on our values and encourage our teammates to help keep each other accountable. 

“Living into our values means that we do more than profess our values, we practice them. We walk our talk—we are clear about what we believe and hold important, and we take care that our intentions, words, thoughts, and behaviors align with our beliefs.”

The Rumble and Retros

One of the cornerstones of the book is the concept of a rumble. Here’s how Brené Brown’s describes rumbling: 

“To rumble is a discussion, conversation or meeting defined by a commitment to lean into vulnerability. It’s to stay curious and generous. In a rumble, you stick with the “messy middle” of problem identification and solving. You take a break and circle back when needed. It’s to be fearless in owning ‘our parts’. And, lastly, it’s to listen with the same passion with which we want to be heard. The goal is to serve the work and each other, not our egos. Care and connection are the minimum thresholds to serve the people we lead.”

In the Agile development Scrum practice, there are ceremonies called retros. I’ve found that some of the best scrum retros look a lot like these rumbles. The retro ceremony provides a ready-made container for vulnerability, genuine connection, and actionable steps the team commits to address issues and move together as a team. When done well, retros and rumbles build trust, but only first from vulnerability.